When going through an adoption, there is a period after placement and before finalization when an adoption agency will provide post placement supervision.  During that time the adoption agency will schedule supervisory visits with you that will occur either in your home or at the office.  The purpose of the visits is not to check up on you as parents but to be able to show the court that the child is doing well in their home with their new family.

The number of visits that will happen during that time period varies from state to state and agency to agency.  For instance one state might have an adoption law that says that their needs to be quarterly supervisory visits until the adoption is finalized while another might require just one visit.  Even though your state requires a certain number of visits, an adoption agency is permitted to require more visits such as once per month.  It also varies from agency to agency as to who has to be present during the visit.  Obviously your child has to be present, but sometimes only one parent needs to be with the child.

What can you expect from a supervisory visit?  There are a variety of things that will be discussed during a visit.  I have broken them into six main categories for the purpose of this article.  Please know that these are general guidelines and you might be asked more questions or discuss other things in addition to the following information.

Your child’s health, physical description, and social and physical development will all be addressed during the adoption supervisory visit.  Health includes any medications that are being taken, any health problems and trips to the doctor.  If your child has special medical needs you will also discuss what is being done medically for your child.  Physical description needs to be included so that the court knows the adoption agency actually met with the family and saw the child instead of just talking to them on the phone.  I always say that the physical and social development is the part of the supervisory visit when parents get to brag about their children.  What new, exciting and fun things are they doing?  How are they growing?  Are they on target physically and socially for their age?

You will also talk about the daily schedule your child keeps including eating, sleeping and playing.  You will talk about how much your child eats, what they eat and how often they eat and the napping/sleeping/playing routine of your child.  There are, of course, no right or wrong answers to these questions.  After all, each child is different and therefore has a different routine.

Parental work schedule and child care arrangements are discussed as well.  Is one of you a stay-at-home parent?  If not, what are your work schedules and who takes care of your child while you work?

How has the family adjusted to the adoption including parents, siblings, extended family and the child?  Obviously, if the baby is a newborn there has been little to no adjustment problems as you are the only family they have ever known.  However, in older child adoptions there is often a big adjustment period for all parties involved.

You will more than likely discuss the relationship you are having with the Birthfamily.  Are you having an open adoption?  Are you sending pictures and letters?  What kind of continued contact are you going to have, if any at all?

The last part of the supervisory visit is to just discuss general information and the legal status of the adoption.  For instance, have both Birthparents signed a consent to the adoption?  Have you hired a lawyer to finalize the adoption?  Where do you plan on finalizing the adoption?  And any other information that is important pertaining to the adoption that is important for the courts to know.

I hope this helps answer some of your questions about adoption supervisory visits.  When you have your supervisory visits you will more than likely discuss all of these things and might have to provide additional information such as medical records or photos to the agency for their files.  Once the adoption is finalized, the supervisory visits are over as well, but you might choose to maintain contact with the agency in case you need them in the future.

Sometimes Birthparents and adoptive families choose to work together to make an open adoption agreement.  This agreement is typically a written document of the expectations that each party has regarding post placement contact.

Most states do not recognize open adoption agreements to be legally binding.  Instead they are a good way for everyone to be on the same page and to talk about the relationship that they hope to have after a baby is born and placed with the adoptive family.  Although an open adoption agreement is not a requirement in most states, it is often good practice for agencies, adoptions and families to use.

Since they are not legal agreements, it does not have to be a formal document.  Rather than be rigid in the expectations or things that each party agrees to do, it is better to be general and less formal about such subjects as time frames, amount of pictures or letters to be sent and when you plan to meet throughout the year.

Some of the things that are important to cover in open adoption agreements are: what type of contact you want to have, letters and pictures, the exchange of personal information and how to handle conflicts if they should arise.  Birthparents and adoptive families need to take the time to think about what is most important to them in the relationship.  I always like to say that it is easier to ask for things in the beginning then to try to totally alter a relationship once expectations and boundaries have been identified.  As with any relationship, an open relationship can change and grow as people’s lives change.

The first thing you need to decide on is what kind of contact you plan to have.  Are you going to have more of a semi-open adoption with just pictures and letters sent through an agency or are you going to have ongoing contact?  Do you plan to maintain contact throughout the child’s lifetime or for a specified amount of time?  How much openness do you feel comfortable with?

If you decide to send pictures and letters, you need to decide how often to send them and where to send them.  For instance, do you plan to send them twice a year or four times a year?  Are you going to send one picture or a bunch of pictures each time?  Will you send them directly to the Birthfamily or to the adoption agency or attorney?

When sharing personal information, some families choose to form a relationship with a Birthparent before giving personal information whereas other families choose to exchange addresses and phone numbers after the first meeting.  This varies from adoption to adoption because the circumstances and family dynamics of each adoption are different.

In any open adoption it is possible to experience some “bumps and bruises” along the way.  Someone might misunderstand something and get their feelings hurt.  There might be a previous set boundary that was crossed.  It is good to consider how you would like to handle these things if they ever arise.  For instance maintaining contact with a third party such as an adoption agency can be helpful if you ever need an intermediary.  It is a good idea to talk about having this contact, counseling or help outlined in the adoption agreement.

There are two things that you need to keep in mind when putting together an open adoption agreement.  First of all, never promise anything that you know that you don’t intend to keep.  If you know that you don’t feel comfortable with future meetings then don’t tell a Birthparent that you want a completely open relationship if you know you won’t follow through with this in the end.  As with any relationship, there has to be some compromise on both sides in order for it to work.

The second thing you need to do is to not be rigid with time frames in the adoption agreement.  For instance, it is better to state that you are going to send pictures or letters four times a year instead of saying you are going to send them a certain day four months a year.  If you can’t get them to the Birthparent by the date that you mention, there can be misunderstandings or feelings hurt.  Life gets busy and it isn’t always easy to know that you can do something like meet three years from now on the 15th of June.

For more information about open adoption agreements, I encourage you to explore the subject with your local adoption agency or to read books about open adoption such as The Open Adoption Experience.  The more comfortable you are with working with the Birthparents to come up with an agreement the better it is for everyone in the end.

When doing an adoption, there are reasonable expenses that are allowed by law to be paid on behalf of the Birthfamily by the adoptive family.  It is important that, before you pay any money, you confer with an adoption agency or an attorney that practices adoption law in your state to be sure you are not paying for anything that is not allowed by law.  In addition, you want to be sure that what you are paying for are legitimate expenses, not expenses that a Birthparent is claiming to need paid.

Many states do not specifically spell out what expenses are considered “reasonable expenses”.  However, as a general rule, reasonable expenses include such things as grocery store gift cards, prenatal vitamins, rent, gas for the car to get to doctor’s appointments, maternity clothes and medical expenses that are specifically related to the pregnancy.  Unreasonable expenses include buying the Birthparent a vehicle, home or jewelry.  Each state also has a time frame in which paying expenses is permissible by law such as 1-2 months before a baby is born and a certain amount of time after a baby is born.  You need to be sure that you stay within the time lines of your state.

No money should ever be paid directly to a Birthparent.  This could be misconstrued in the court’s eyes as you paying for the baby.  Rent money should be paid directly to the landlord, groceries can be paid for with gift certificates and medical expenses should be paid directly to the hospital or doctor’s office.  It is a good idea to work with an agency or adoption attorney when it comes to paying expenses.  They will be able to talk to you and the Birthparents about what is permissible in a court of law.  When a Birthparent signs a consent to the adoption, they must list all expenses that have been paid on their behalf.  In addition, if a Birthparent has a change of heart and decides to parent, they DO NOT have to repay you for any expenses that you paid.  The reason that they do not have to reimburse you for these expenses is that, the court’s eyes, any money you pay is considered a gift otherwise it would be as though you are paying the Birthparent for the baby.

Because interstate adoptions involve the laws of two states, you should always consult an agency or attorney in your state and the state where the Birthparent resides.  In addition, the sooner you involve an agency or adoption attorney in the other state to work with the Birthparent the better.  They can confirm the needs of the Birthparent and verify that what the Birthparent is stating they need is true.

You should save all the receipts for Birthparent related expenses that you have paid.  If there is ever a question about something that was paid, you can have proof of exactly how you paid for it.  You can also use the expenses as part of the adoption tax law when filing your income tax.

In addition to the laws regarding paying expenses for a Birthparent, it is important for you to know that it is considered a big red flag if a Birthparent’s primary concern is money, getting bills paid and getting money for needed items.  A Birthparent who is making a legitimate adoption plan is concerned with the welfare, safety, security and happiness of her child first and foremost.  For this reason, adoption agencies tend to be a little wary of a Birthparent who calls for adoption information and asks about getting money before anything else.

If you ever feel concerned about expenses that you are being asked to pay, speak to an adoption agency or adoption attorney before paying for anything.  It is important that you follow the legal guidelines when paying for expenses on behalf of Birthparents.  These laws are in place to protect the rights of adoptive families, Birthparents and the children.