When we get information calls from prospective adoptive parents, one of the first questions we get asked is typically regarding the average wait time for adoptive families.  We typically give the standard 18 months-2 years for non-special needs adoptions and 12 months-18 months for African American families because we always need African American families so they tend to wait less.

This is a standard, very broad answer.  What families need to know when they ask that question is that there are many factors that influence your wait.  Some factors will tend to make your wait less and other factors that tend to make your wait longer.  These factors include: age, education, occupation, where couples live, number of children in the home, if families have biological children, transracial adoptions and comfortability with openness.  As I discuss these topics in this article, I am referring to them as a whole, as the rule rather than the exception.  Your experience might be different.

Generally speaking, the first couples to be chosen by Birthparents are 30-35 years old professionals that have been married at least 5 years are college educated and have no children in the home.  Couples that are either 40-45 years old, have only a high school education, are employed in factory work or live in rural areas tend to wait longer.

A majority of the Birthparents that I have worked with have wanted a family that has no children.  This doesn’t mean that they don’t want them to ever adopt again, they just want their child to be this couple’s first child.  If there are biological children in the home, many Birthparents fear that their child will be treated differently because they are adopted so adoptive parents with birth children in the home tend to wait even longer.

The longer a couple is married, the more stable their relationship appears to a Birthparent.  I have actually had Birthmothers come down to a decision between two families that they really liked and decide on the family that has been married longest.  Along the same lines, single people tend to wait longer than married couples.  Many Birthparents choose adoption because they want their child to live in a two-parent household, to have a Mom and Dad.

Couples adopting transracially often have a longer wait.  This is particularly true for Caucasian couples adopting African American children.  A majority of African American children want to place their children with African American families.

One of the biggest deciding factors for Birthmothers when choosing families and something that can really affect your wait is your desired level of openness and continued contact.  Most adoptions tend to be semi-open.  So, if you are open to sending pictures and letters through the agency and possibly meeting in the future or if you are fine with a completely open adoption, your wait tends to be shorter than someone who wants a completely closed adoption.  Adoption trends are leaning towards at least some level of communication after placement and most Birthparents are requesting at least pictures and letters.  You need to really explore this subject before you make a final decision but you also don’t need to agree to something that will make you feel uncomfortable.

After saying all this, three years ago I had a Birthmother and Birthfather look at all our profiles before choosing the very last profile from a couple that had only given to us the day before.  Not only did this couple have a child in the home, but she was their biological child.  So just because there is a general rule for waiting doesn’t mean that you won’t end up being the exception instead of the rule.

This entry was posted on Wednesday, March 15th, 2006 at 5:25 am and is filed under Adoption. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.