How can you possible say “Thank you” to those who fulfilled your hopes and dreams by choosing you as parents for their child?  How can you possibly express your gratitude, your love, and your caring for them?  How can you possibly find the right gift to give them when you know that they are grieving the loss of their child through adoption while still being grateful to you for giving their child a safe home full of love and security?

Choosing a gift to give your child’s Birthparents is a very difficult thing to do.  It is hard to find the appropriate gift, to find one that expresses all your thoughts and emotions.  It really is hard to find a way to say “Thank you” and to let them know that you care about them.  After nine years of doing adoptions, I have witnessed some truly awesome gifts given to Birthparents by adoptive parents both in the hospital and at the placement ceremony when the child is actually placed with them.

Let me start by saying that a beautiful flower bouquet is a nice gesture, but flowers do not last forever.  So, if you want to give them flowers that is great, but you should also consider giving them a more permanent gift, one that they can keep and will remind them of their child that they love and care for so much.

You should write a letter to the Birthmother and Birthfather, telling them how you are feeling at that exact moment.  Thank them for choosing life.  Thank them for making you a family.  Let them know that you know that they love their child and that their child will always know how much they are loved by their Birthfamily.  Express your hopes and dreams for their child.  Birthparents need to know that their child will be taken care of and they need to know that you understand that this is a very difficult decision and a very difficult time for them, that you know it took a lot of heartache for them to choose adoption and that you know they chose adoption because they love their child dearly.

Include photos with your card or present if at all possible.  I have had adoptive parents who were present at the birth of their child go to a photo lab that same day and have all the pictures from the hospital developed and put in a book.  Include pictures of the Birthmother pregnant if you have them.  If your letter or present are going out after your child is already home, include pictures of them in their new home, in their nursery or doing their daily eat/sleep activities.  Birthparents love to get pictures of their child.

As I said before, make sure your gift is a permanent gift and one that they can keep forever.  Jewelry is always a good choice, especially if it is personalized in some manner.  A ring, necklace or earrings that contain the birthstone of their child are a gift that they could wear everyday.  They can choose whether or not to share the meaning of the birthstone with others but it will always have a special meaning to them.  One of our adoptive families gave a ring to the Birthmother and the adoptive mother wore an identical ring, linking the two together.  Another family gave the Birthmother a charm bracelet with the child’s first initial, birthstone and a dove for peace.  Every year they give the Birthmother a new charm to add to the bracelet.  Having jewelry engraved with the baby’s date of birth or the baby’s initials are also great, personal ideas.

Other good Birthparent gifts include anything engraved with the baby’s initials or birth date such as a jewelry box, a keepsake box or a pocket knife for the Birthfather.  Listen to your Birthparents.  Knowing what kind of things they like can give you a good hint as to what kind of gift to give.  I worked with an adoptive family that began a scrapbook for the baby with the Birthmother (who loved scrapbooking) before the baby was born.  They made an identical one without the Birthmother knowing and gave it to her when the baby was born so that she could have one for herself.  The adoptive family makes copies of any significant things for the Birthmother, such as photos of all the baby’s firsts.  The little girl recently drew some pictures and gave them to her Birthmother for the book.

As you begin to think of your gift to give your child’s Birthparents, remember to make it special and make it unique.  Although it is still difficult to fully express your thanks, your love, and your gratitude to them for choosing adoption and making you a family, making it personalized for your situation and your child’s Birthparents is a great place to start.  Remember to include a note with the gift and to give them a gift that they will be able to keep and cherish forever.

This entry was posted on Wednesday, April 5th, 2006 at 1:37 am and is filed under Adoption. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.