As you are beginning the adoption process, your agency should discuss with you whether or not you feel comfortable with doing a direct placement or at-risk placement or whether you would rather use interim care for the baby until the Birthparents no longer have legal rights to the child.  Even if you are doing an independent adoption, this is still something that you need to discuss before being put in the position of having to consider whether or not to do an at-risk placement.

A direct placement occurs when a baby is discharged from the hospital and goes home with you even though one or both of the Birthparents still have their parental/legal rights intact.  It is called an at-risk placement because you are taking the child home with the risk that a Birthparent could change their mind and decide to parent which is a right they have because they still have their legal rights.

This is a hard decision to make because you want to have your child from the beginning, but the thought of having them a short period of time and then losing them is almost too hard to even imagine.  When considering a direct placement, you should keep the line of communication wide open with your agency and get their opinion on the situation.  Although they can’t tell you they are 100% sure of anything, they can let you know what they feel comfortable or uncomfortable with surrounding the situation.

A majority of Birthparents want to do a direct placement.  I have also found that many adoptive parents opt for a direct placement as well.  It is something that you should discuss with the Birthparents when making hospital and placement plans.

As an agency, we mostly do direct placements.  However, we also have interim care/cradle care families that will care for the baby when they are released from the hospital until the Birthparents have signed a surrender or waiver.  We also use our interim care families as a safety net for everyone involved in the process.

For instance, if we are working with a Birthmother who is having a hard time in the hospital, we will suggest doing interim care to them and to the adoptive family.  This gives the Birthparents some time to get home from the hospital and take some time to decide whether or not they want to do adoption without having the pressure of the baby already being with the adoptive family and not wanting to hurt them.  It is also a safeguard for the adoptive family as they do not have the baby in their home for an extended period of time while they are worried about whether or not the baby is going to stay with them or go back to the Birthmother.  During the interim care time, the Birthmother and the adoptive family can visit with the baby if they choose.

It is a good idea to discuss the interim care policy of the agency you are using ahead of time.  You want to feel that the agency is going to stay involved and give you their honest assessment of the situation.  You want to be sure that they are not going to pressure you into a direct placement if they feel like a Birthmother is having a hard time and you want to be sure that they are not going to pressure or coerce the Birthparents in anyway.

In the end, the decision as to whether or not to do a direct placement is really up to you and the Birthparents.  It is good to keep your communication open with them so that you can discuss interim care if any situations or feelings change.  You have to weigh the risks in the situation and make the best decision for your family.

When you are going through the adoption process with an agency, they will more than likely ask you to put together a Dear Birthparent letter to show to Birthparents that are considering adoption.  Even if you are doing an independent adoption, you might want to write a letter so that if you are connected with a Birthparent you can share the letter with them.  The letter is similar to a mini autobiography.  It is a chance for you to tell a Birthparent about who you are, what you like to do and what your family, friends and extended family are like.

Each agency usually has their own guidelines on how they want a letter to be written.  Most have some of the same underlying themes.  I have included in this article examples of what to include in a Dear Birthparent letter.  After working with Birthparents for nine years, I compiled this list to include some of the basic questions and concerns they might have when selecting an adoptive family.

Your Dear Birthparent letter should be between 3-6 pages long.  Any less than that and you cannot possibly give a Birthparent enough information.  Any more than that and it gets to be too much information and they can become overwhelmed or forget things.  When a Birthparent is looking at profiles, they will more than likely view anywhere from 5 to 20 profiles.  If a letter is too long it might begin to get lost among all the other information that they have gleaned from other letters.

The letter should include a brief description of your childhood, family background, family life, extended family and education.  Descriptions of your marriage such as how you met your spouse and what you love about him/her are important as well.  Birthparents need to know that you are in love and that you have a stable family life and extended family connections.  Often Birthparents are considering adoption because they want their child to be raised in a two parent, stable environment and they want to feel as though things are going to stay that way.

Let Birthparents know about you personally.  What kind of personality do you have?  What are your interests and hobbies?  Do you have any personal goals?  What kind of work do you do?  Are you in good health?  Do you exercise?  What are your religious views and your spouse’s religious view?  They need to get a good sense of who you are.

Talk about your parenting philosophies.  Are you going to share in all the duties?  Do you see one spouse being more playful and one more nurturing?  Birthparents are always interested in your child care plans.  Is one of you going to stay at home with them?  If so, for how long?  Do you have a friend or family member that will provide childcare or baby sit?

It is always a good idea to touch lightly on what brought your family to adoption.  You do not need to share your whole personal fertility story if that is why you chose adoption.  You can just state something like “after years of trying to have children, we decided we just wanted to be parents and biology was not important to us”.  I had one family that shared the story of how they had suffered many miscarriages.  This was what drew a Birthmother to them.  You don’t have to over share, but include a small description.

Describe your feelings about adoption and your plans for sharing adoption information with your child.  Birthparents want their child to know that they loved them and that is why they chose adoption.  They never want them to feel as though they were unloved or unwanted, so this is an important topic as well.

Describe what level of openness you feel comfortable with.  Do you want to meet them?  Do you want to do a direct placement (where the baby leaves the hospital with you)?  What kind of contact do you want once the baby is placed with you such as direct contact or sharing information through the agency?  Don’t promise anything that you don’t feel comfortable with and don’t make promises you don’t intend to keep.  It is ok to state that you are willing to meet with them and discuss future contact.  Each adoption situation is different and is good to leave the door open at least a little because you don’t want to shut it on a good situation.

When writing your letter, handwrite it if possible.  However, if you have horrible handwriting, then type it using a casual font.  Always sign it with a pen/pencil.  Stay away from a business format and make the letter more personal.  Include your feelings and thoughts.  If you are used to writing business letters, then have someone critique it when you are done.  You don’t want to appear cold in your letter.  Address the letter “Dear Birthparent” or “Someone Special” or something along those lines.  Don’t address it “Dear Birthmother” because Birthfathers are a part of the process too.  Thank them for choosing adoption and considering (NOT choosing) you.  They are reading many letters and even though they are reading your letter they might not necessarily choose you and you don’t want them to feel pressured.  Put your letter on colored or printed stationary.  If you are into gardening, then use paper with a flower border.  If you like sports, then your paper could have a sports theme border.

The most important thing that you need to do is to make the letter unique and let them know who you are.  I once had an adoptive father who wrote his letter as though his dog had written it.  They had had the dog for 15 years and so the dog knew a lot about him.  His sense of humor was what caught a Birthmother’s eye.  Use your agency, friends or family as a sounding board when you are writing a letter.  It is always a good idea to get a second opinion.  You want it to be the best it can possibly be because this letter is the first connection that a Birthparent can make with you.  You want it to be a good, honest unique description and connection between you and the Birthparent.

If you are working with an adoption agency you will most likely put together a profile for Birthparents to view who are considering adoption.  You might want to even consider putting together a profile if you are planning on doing an independent adoption so that if you are connected with a Birthparent, you can share the profile with them before you meet.  A profile is a way for you to let the Birthparents learn about you.  They typically include non-identifying information such as first names, occupations, religion, hobbies, etc.  It allows Birthparents to learn about different families as they are making an adoption plan for their child.

Because the profile is the first glimpse that a Birthparent has into your life, personality, family, etc., a profile can be one of the most essential parts of the adoption process.  It is what draws a Birthparent to you.  We have often heard that first impressions are lasting impressions.  Well, a profile is your first impression.

Different agencies typically have their own guidelines of what you should or should not include in a profile.  Most likely you can expect to include a picture resume or what I call an autobiography of pictures and a Dear Birthparent letter.  In this article I am going to concentrate more on the picture part of the profile.  The a future article I will focus more on what to include in a Dear Birthparent letter.

A picture is worth a thousand words, which is something you need to keep in mind when choosing pictures for your profile.  It is important that you use active pictures that illustrate your interests, hobbies, lifestyle, etc.  Posed pictures are fine, but they don’t really say anything about you.  Active pictures show you on vacation, in the ocean, at the racetrack, at the football game, grilling out with family and relaxing reading a book.  With active pictures, a Birthparent can begin to get to know you and what their child’s life will be like if they chose you.

Use a variety of pictures.  Include pictures of you individually as well as as a couple.  Pictures of pets, extended family and other children or nieces and nephews lets Birthparents know about who else will be a part of their child’s life.  Identify who is in each picture and use a caption to let them know what you are doing.  Don’t just say “at the beach”.  Say something like “Here we are at the ocean in Florida in May 2005.  We went to the beach with friends.  Mary is having a great time jumping in the waves”.  If you are baking in the kitchen say “Grammy came over with my niece and we baked cookies all afternoon” instead of “baking cookies”.

It is best to have a majority of the pictures you use be recent pictures.  However, you can use old pictures to tell the story of your life together.  A picture of you dating, getting married or even pictures of you as children can be good to add.  Just don’t use too many old pictures.

Make your resume unique.  Visit a local craft store or scrapbook store and load up on colored paper, printed paper, stickers and embellishments.  Cut your pictures in interesting shapes.  Without cluttering the page, use as much space as possible for pictures and descriptions.  If all you do is plop 2 3 x 5 pictures down on a white sheet of paper, it doesn’t say much about you.  You want your picture profile to stand out and really let a Birthparent know about you.

In addition to these suggestions, your agency might have its own suggestions and guidelines for your picture profiles/picture resumes.  Some agencies limit the amount of pages to include in the picture part of your profile others will let you include as many pictures as you want.  I find that 8-10 pages is a good amount.  It is not too little and not too much. I would not do more than 15 pages of pictures as it can become overwhelming to have so many pictures to view.

Whether you are doing an agency or independent adoption, as you begin to put together your picture profile remember to make it unique.  Make it say who you are.  At a glance, they should be able to skim through the pictures and be able to describe who you are, what you like to do and your relationships with family and friends.  The picture part of the profile is often what draws a Birthmother’s attention and will encourage her to read your letters and find out more about you.   It is often what holds a Birthparent’s interest and it gives them an idea of what their child’s life will be like with you.

When you plan to adopt, one of the first things that you have to decide on is whether to adopt domestically or internationally.  If you decide on doing a domestic adoption, the next thing that you must decide on is whether to work with an adoption agency or to do an independent adoption.  I get asked all the time the difference between a domestic adoption and an agency adoption.  There are many differences, but generally speaking the 4 main differences involve how you are connected with a Birthmother, what kind of contact you have with a Birthmother, who receives legal custody when Birthparents sign a surrender and the fees involved.

Every adoption, whether independent or agency, involves both an agency and a lawyer at some point in the process.  If you are working with an agency, they conduct your Home Study, you go on their waiting list, you are chosen by a Birthmother or Birthparents who are getting counseling at the agency, the agency is responsible to work with their attorney to take care of the Birthparent’s legal rights and you have to hire an attorney when you are ready to finalize the adoption.  If you do an independent adoption, you still have to have a Home Study conducted by a licensed adoption agency, you are connected with a Birthmother or Birthparents independently without the help of an agency and you hire an attorney or agency to work with the Birthparents to surrender their parental rights and have either the same attorney or other attorney to finalize your adoption.

The way you are connected with a birthmother varies greatly between agency and independent adoptions.  When you are working with an agency, you typically put together a picture profile and packet of information that Birthparents will view when making an adoption plan and choosing a family.  When you do an independent adoption, you are connected with Birthmother or Birthparents independently either by your own means, a mutual friend or acquaintance, an attorney or some other way other than using an agency.

In an agency adoption, the agency is usually a go-between between Birthparents and adoptive parents, at least in the beginning and possibly throughout the whole process and until your child is an adult unless you have an open adoption.  In an independent adoption, there is typically more contact between Birthparents and adoptive parents; after all you were connected independently without the agency as a go-between. Sometimes a mutual friend or your attorney will still act as a go-between.

When Birthparents sign a surrender in an agency adoption, they surrender their parental rights to the agency.  When you are ready to finalize the adoption, the agency fills out an Agency Consent to Adoption.  When Birthparents sign a surrender in an independent adoption, they surrender their parental rights directly to the adoptive family.

Fees involve vary between agency and independent adoptions.  Typically, in an agency adoption, you pay either a flat placement fee or a placement fee based on a sliding scale fee.  This placement fee covers such things as living expenses for the Birthmother, legal expenses for the Birthparents, medical expenses for the Birthmother, maternity clothes, counseling fees and generally a small portion also goes to the agency because that is how they continue to provide adoption services.  In an independent adoption, you only pay for services or expenses that actually occur.  This means, typically, an independent adoption is not as expensive as an agency adoption but this is not always the case.

As you begin to decide whether an agency or independent adoption is right for you, I hope that these general guidelines help you in your decision.  Every adoption is different, whether they are through an agency or not.  This means that no two adoptions that you do will be the same either.  For this reason it is good to explore adoption agencies and attorneys in your area so that you will have a support system in place if you need it to help your adoption go smoothly and to ensure that both you and your child’s Birthparents have their needs met.

When planning to adopt, the subject of the cost of adoption has to come up at some time during the process.  My suggestion to you is to discuss adoption financial information with your agency or attorney from the beginning so that you can know a basic ballpark figure for what you can expect to pay during your adoption.  I have broken adoption cost into three categories in this article: private agency adoptions, special needs adoptions and independent adoptions.

The average cost for a private agency adoption ranges anywhere from $7,000 to $20,000. While this might seem like a huge range, there are various factors that affect what an agency charges.  A non-profit agency will typically charge less and base their fees on a sliding scale that is based on a family’s income.  For instance, I work for a non-profit agency and our fees are 15% of your gross annual income with a minimum of $8000 and a maximum of $15,000.  Another agency in town charges a flat fee of $18,000 and a third agency charges a flat fee of $15,000.  I have seen agencies in some part of the country start their domestic adoption fees at $25,000.  I would suggest discussing fees with different agencies in your area.

When discussing these fees you need to ask if they have a payment schedule, what these fees are used for and what happens to your money if a Birthmother decides to parent.  Most agencies have a payment schedule.  They might ask for something like a $1200 Home Study fee up front, ¼ of your placement fee when the Home Study is complete and then not ask for any more money until you receive a placement.  I would be wary of agencies who ask for all of the placement fee up front.  If a birthmother changes her mind and decides to parent, some agencies will eat the money themselves and others will charge the adoptive family for any money that was spent.  This is an important thing to discuss with your agency.

Agencies should be able to explain what their fees are used for.  Fee allocation might include counseling for the Birthparents, living expenses for the Birthmother, medical expenses, maternity clothes and court costs.  Most non-profit agencies also use a small portion of your expenses to go towards paying their caseworkers because adoption fees are their only means to stay in business.

The reason that I stress discussing fees up front with your agency is because there are some unreputable agencies that will charge exorbitant placement fees.  I work with a girl who worked at one of those agencies for two weeks before she quit because of the things they were doing.  For instance, one of the counselors there told her always to meet Birthparents for lunch and if they don’t show up eat lunch anyway and then the agency will charge the adoptive family.  Another thing that they did was when an adoptive family came to the agency to receive their child, the agency would keep the baby in the next room until the adoptive family signed papers and paid a large placement fee in full.  You need to make sure that you are not working with an agency that will do these types of things.

The fees relating to a special needs adoption are usually a little less then a non-special needs adoption.  Instead of 15% of your annual income it might be more like 10% of your annual income.  Some agencies might charge a smaller flat fee and other agencies charge the same fee across the board for all types of domestic adoptions.

In general, independent adoptions that are done through a lawyer tend to cost less than an agency adoption.  In independent adoptions, you are paying for each individual service.  You will only pay for what has been paid.  This means if both Birthparents cooperate with the process, and there are no medical or living expenses, you could pay around $2000 plus your Home Study and supervisory visit fees.  However, instead of having an agency as a go between or mediator you will have to do some of the foot work and will tend to have a lot more face to face contact which is fine for some families and not for others.  If a Birthmother decides to parent in an independent adoption, the adoptive family will not be reimbursed for any money they have spent.

Before choosing a particular agency or attorney, it is important to talk about adoption fees.  You need to feel like whoever you use is not in this just for the money.  You need to feel like they care about you and the Birthfamily and that any fees you pay will be used for their intended purposes.

When you are planning to adopt, the Home Study can be one of the most nerve racking parts of the whole process.  You worry about whether or not you will “Pass”, what the caseworker will write about your house, what kind of questions you will be asked.  After conducting domestic adoption Home Studies for over 9 years, I have come to realize the best thing that I can do as a counselor for the families that I work with is to try to put their mind at ease at the beginning about the process and what we are going to do together.

As an adoption counselor, I want you to know first and foremost that we know that it is not fair that you have to do a Home Study in order to be a parent.  Chances are you have already been through a lot and shared a lot of personal information over and over again with doctors, family and friends and the Home Study often feels like another invasion of privacy.  We try to make it as comfortable as possible so you don’t feel like you are being judged and I hope that this is the same way you feel about the agency that you choose.

The purpose of the Home Study is to let the Birthfamily and court know that their forever home is a loving, safe home.  Most agencies do not share the Home Studies directly with a Birthparent, but can answer basic questions from the contents of the Home Study.  In many independent adoptions, the Birthparents are given a copy of the Home Study.

Guidelines for Home Studies are state specific, but most of them contain the same basic information.  When completing a Home Study you can expect to have a state and nationwide police background check, a child abuse and child sexual abuse background check, a physical and a drug screen and can expect to fill out information about your finances(more $ coming in than going out), the fertility process, and your views on adoption and parenting.  Most Home Studies also include an autobiography, reference letters and interviews conducted as a couple and individually.  A home visit will also be conducted sometime during the Home Study process.  Most states require a fire extinguisher near the kitchen, smoke alarms and that any weapons or fire arms be locked away kept away from children.

It takes a lot to not pass Home Study.  Traffic violations or minor offenses that happened twenty years ago usually do not affect the Home Study.  If you have an illness that is not considered terminal and is controlled by mediation, again it should not affect the Home Study process.  A positive drug screen, current police record or a child abuse record are all things that would probably keep you from having your Home Study approved.  If you have a police record, discuss it up front with your caseworker.  They will find out and if you omit it or lie about it then it can negatively affect your Home Study even if it was a minor violation that happened 20 years ago when you were just 28 years old.

Some agencies also include items that are specific to their agency.  They might ask you information about your church and religion.  They might have a section in the Home Study that is all about your plans on disciplining your child.  They might want to include a statement about openness and adoption and what kind of relationship you plan to have with the Birthparents.

Many agencies will also have couples attend Home Study groups.  These groups typically consist of 5-10 couples who are going through the Home Study process at the same time.  You will discuss such topics as openness in adoption, talking to your children about adoption, meeting birthparents for the first time and moving from fertility problems to adoption.  They will often include a talk given by a Birthmother, adoptive family and an adoptee to get information about all three parts of the adoption triad.

I hope that this helps alleviate some of the stress of a Home Study. As you prepare to start the Home Study process, you now know some of the things that you can expect to be a part of your own Home Study.  It is ok to ask questions about the process, what is expected at the home visit and to talk about medical conditions or a police history up front.  The more hones and open you are the easier the process will be for you.

If you are in the process of finding out information about adoption and the adoption process, then you undoubtedly know that there are many agencies to choose from to help you adopt.  As you begin this exploration of agencies, there are some basic things that you need to think about before choosing an agency.

Before you begin doing research on agencies, you need to consider what kind of adoption is right for you.  Obviously you are considering domestic adoption since you are reading his article, so the first decision many couples make is whether to adopt domestically or internationally.  Some agencies do both and some agencies do one or the other.  Do you want to adopt an infant, older child or sibling group?  Would you consider a child with special needs?  Are you considering adopting transracially?  How much contact would you like to have with the birthfamily?  Do you want your agency to have a particular religious affiliation?  These are just an example of some of the questions you should ask yourself before contacting agencies.  Not only does it help you to have answers to these questions it helps the agencies you contact to be able to give you the correct information.

The first step in contacting agencies is to call and ask for either an information packet or the date of their next information meeting.  You can review the packet or attend the meeting to get more information about their program.  I always find information meetings to be more helpful than a packet of information because you have a chance to meet staff members face to face and other couples attend the meetings so they might think to ask a question that you haven’t thought of.

After attending the meeting or receiving the packet in the mail, you can ask to set up a meeting with one of the counselors/caseworkers at the agency to discuss things in more detail if need be.  Many times your questions are already answered and you can decide if that agency is right for you based on the information you received.  If you have some basic questions about adoption or are considering a specific type of adoption, such as adopting an older child, a child of color or adopting transracially, you can call agencies to get details about their program.  A simple phone call might weed out agencies that don’t do the type of adoption you are considering.

I have compiled a list of questions that are good to ask when calling an agency for the first time on the phone.  They are as follows: How many adoptions do they do per year?  How many of those are minority race adoptions?  What is their average wait once your Home Study is complete and you are on there waiting list?  Do they open, semi-open or closed adoptions?  Do they have an age restriction on adoptive families?  Can a single person adopt?  How much do adoptions cost at their agency?  How many birthparents do they work with at any given time?  How soon can you start the Home Study process?  The agency should be able to answer all of these questions and any other ones that you come up with.  After all you are putting your trust in them as an agency to help you connect with your child.

The most important thing I can tell you when searching for an agency is to trust your instinct.  If something doesn’t seem right, if you don’t feel comfortable with them, if all their statistics and information seem too good to be true then you probably want to consider another agency.  A truly good agency will have your best interest and the best interest of the birthparents at heart.  They will work hard to ensure that everyone gets the appropriate counseling and support throughout the process and even after the adoption is complete.  An agency that works for a friend might not be the right one for you, so you need to explore the agencies yourself and make up your own mind about choosing a domestic adoption agency.

If you have connected with a birthmother or birthparents that live in a different state than you and the baby is being born in that state, there are some things that you need to know about interstate placements to ensure that things are legally done in the correct manner.  The essentials of interstate adoption involve having an attorney or agency in both states, the Interstate Compact on the Placement of Children (ICPC), and where you will finalize your adoption.

When you begin to explore an interstate adoption, the first thing that you need to do is to secure an agency or attorney in your state and in the state where the birthmother lives.  Because most adoption laws are state specific, you will want an attorney that practices adoption law to work with the birthfamily especially since interstate adoptions involve more paperwork.  Having an agency or attorney to represent the birthfamily is a protection for you, the birthfamily and your child.  You can be sure that what they are telling you is the truth and you can be sure that they are being informed of all their rights and receiving counseling if they desire it.

One of the first things that your agency or attorney should discuss with you regarding adopting a child born in another state is the Interstate Compact on the Placement of Children (ICPC).  ICPC is a Federal law that regulates the placement of children across state lines.

What this means for you is that once a baby is born, he/she can not cross state lines until the sending state (where the baby is born) and receiving state (where you live) both approve the placement.  This does not mean that the baby can’t be placed with you during this intermediate time, it just means that the baby cannot cross state lines.

When a baby is born, the attorney or agency in the sending state will put together a packet of information including the Home Study, hospital medical information on the child, a social/medical history of the Birthfamily, the Birthmother’s Surrender, the Birthfather’s Surrender or Waiver, an explanation why a Surrender or Waiver hasn’t been signed if applicable and a few other pieces of information.  They will then give this packet of information to the ICPC office in the sending state.  Once they read this packet of information and approve it, the ICPC office in the sending state then mails the packet of the information to the ICPC office in the receiving state.   Once they read this packet of information and approve it, you can cross state lines and take your child home.

How long does the ICPC process take?  I have seen it take as little as 5 days and as long as 3 weeks.  Many things affect this time line including when the baby is born and if a weekend or holiday falls during the ICPC process.  I always tell adoptive families that I work with to plan to be in the other state for 10-14 days.  That way, if it is less time then everyone gets to go home early and is happy, but if it takes closer to two weeks then you are prepared.

Once you have received a placement and are back home, you need to begin the process to finalize the adoption.  Where you finalize the adoption is a tricky question.  Some agencies actually require that you return to the state where your child was born in order to finalize the adoption, some agencies/states give you the option of finalizing in the state where you reside or the state where your child was born and some agencies/states require that you finalize in the state where you live.  Since you need to use an attorney to finalize your adoption, I would discuss all of these options with them.

I hope that this article serves as a general guideline for you to begin the process of adopting from another state.  You should always confer with the agency/attorney in your state and the state where your child is born to be sure that everything is being done correctly.  If you have any questions, you can go online and review laws for your state and the state where your baby is born.  Because interstate adoptions are a little more involved, the more educated you are the more you can advocate for yourself, the birthparents and your child.

Whether you are beginning the adoption process or have already connected with a birthparent and are in need of legal counsel to help you with the process, choosing an attorney is one of the most important decisions you will make in the process.  Having worked in the adoption field for nine years, I can not stress how important it is to choose an attorney that has adoption experience.  Even though I have worked with an agency, we often assist couples with home studies for independent adoptions and the nightmare adoptions we see are often associated with an attorney that does not know anything about adoption law.

I always recommend choosing an attorney that is a member of the American Academy of Adoption Attorneys (also known as AAAA or Quad A Attorneys).  Adoption law is tricky and, aside from a handful of Federal laws, it is state specific.  It gets even trickier if the adoptive family lives in one state and the birthparents live in another and you are dealing with the laws in both states as well as the Interstate Compact on the Placement of Children that regulates children being placed across state lines.  If you are dealing with an attorney that does not know all of these state specific laws, then something can be done incorrectly in your adoption that could cause a disruption in the future.

When teaching seminars on adoption law, I always use the example of an adoption gone wrong in a neighboring county where both the judge and the lawyer did not do things correctly.  First of all, the lawyer had the adoption finalized in Juvenile Court which, in my state at least, can not happen as adoptions are finalized in Chancery or Fourth Circuit Court.  Secondly, the adoption was finalized and the Birthmother never signed a Surrender to surrender her parental rights, so her parental rights were still in place and an adoption can not be finalized when one or both of the birthparents still have parental rights to the child.  So, when the Birthmother went to court five years later, of course she won since her parental rights were never terminated.

I don’t share this story to scare prospective adoptive parents.  I share it to educate them and to let them know how important it is to use someone who just practices adoption law or one who has done adoption in their practice for at least five years.  This does not include a lawyer who has done an adoption twice in five years, but one who does them on a regular basis.  This does not include a friend who is a lawyer whose heart might be in the right place but that might end up hurting the adoption in the end.

If you can not find a AAAA Attorney in your area, contact the nearest one to you.  Often they will know someone in your area that they can recommend.  For instance, the AAAA Attorney that most adoptive parents and agencies use in my area has attorneys that she contacts for adoptions in counties and towns that are within about a two hour radius of her.  She also has a list of attorneys that she would NOT recommend, which is equally as helpful.

So, before you choose an attorney, check with the AAAA listing to see if there is an attorney in your area.  Check credentials.  Contact families that have used that attorney.  Talk with other adoptive families to see who they used and what their experience was.  I have literally seen an attorney make or break an adoption because of the way they handled or mishandled things.  Don’t take the chance when it comes to your family.  Choose an attorney that will take everyone’s interests into account and one that will follow adoption law to the letter to ensure that things are done the way they are supposed to and everyone is safe and secure.