Fertility used to be shrouded in secrecy and shame.  Although it is typically a medical condition, it is one of the few medical conditions that hardly anybody discusses.  This secrecy leaves people feeling as though fertility is something to be ashamed of, that others will view us differently if they know we are having fertility problems.  Thankfully this is beginning to change, but it is still slow to change.  As I began to gather information on how views of fertility changed over the years, I found some interesting things about how fertility problems were “fixed” in the past.

Even though approximately 1/3 of the fertility problems are a result of male fertility issues, 1/3 of the fertility problems are a result of female fertility issues and 1/3 of the fertility problems are a result of both male and female fertility issues together, in the not so distant past, it was all blamed on the woman.  Without the extensive tests that we have today, society assumed that a couple did not have any children because the woman “could not have” children.  There was no support for her and she carried this around with her almost as though she was branded with a scarlet “I” for “Infertility”.

Because a “childfree lifestyle” was unheard of at that time, couples would adopt in secrecy.  Women would feign pregnancy.  They would feign morning sickness and being tired.  They would buy maternity clothes and stuff them with pillows.  As they got close to nine months, they would go away for a few weeks and come back with a baby.  The descriptions I read state that nobody knew that they weren’t pregnant, but I find that hard to believe.  I think at that time it was just something that nobody talked about but at least a few other people knew.

As fertility tests began to be more readily available, couples were able to find out answers.  In the beginning though, there were no fertility clinics and no fertility specialists.  That would have been too controversial for the times.  Couples would typically go to their OB/GYN and in some cases just a family doctor to get simple fertility tests.

As society has changed, the secrecy surrounding fertility has changed.  Fertility clinics and fertility specialists began to show up.  At first clinics were only seeing a handful of patients, but this quickly changed.  Advanced testing and a host of procedures that were helping couples to get pregnant drew more couples to seek medical help from fertility specialists.

Thankfully, by the time my husband and I began our journey, things had drastically changed.  So many other couples had pioneered the way.  It is to them that I am grateful.  They helped open the doors for us.  They faced controversy so that others would be able to have the chance to be parents.

When going through our fertility journey, we were able to share our story if we wanted.  We didn’t feel like we HAD to keep it a secret.  I started a fertility support group with a friend.  We met weekly with 5-15 other women and talked about what was working, what wasn’t and shared joy and sorrow.  I did not have to carry the pain in secrecy.  I didn’t have to feel ashamed about what we were going through.

As you are going through your own process, I hope that this gives you a glimpse of the way things were and could still be if society had not begun to lift the veil of fertility secrecy.  I hope that you are able to find others to share in your joy and sorrows.  I hope that we will continue to help men and women going through the fertility process by paving the way for even more advanced testing, advanced procedures and by making a positive advancement in the way society views the fertility process.

(I wrote this article in the afternoon.  When I went to the mail later that afternoon there was an invitation to a first annual celebration given by the fertility clinic we had used for families that had gone through them.  How is that for progress?)

This entry was posted on Saturday, March 11th, 2006 at 5:08 am and is filed under Fertility. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.