Since getting pregnant and becoming the Mom of twins, I have entered the world of nosy multiples questions.  I’m sure that you have either entered this world yourself or are about to embark on a journey to this world.  I have come to be able to decipher nosy questions/comments and curious questions/comments, but some still leave me stumped and a bit speachless.

What I have found is that the more I get asked these questions, the better answers or responses I have been able to come up with.  I hope that by addressing some of these issues in this article I will help you to be prepared and give you some time to come up with your own answers before you are faced with these questions.

The question that we have gotten the most is “Do twins run in your family?”  Sometimes this a genuine question because people who have twins in their family have a higher chance of having twins.  Sometimes this question translates to “What kind of fertility drugs did you take to get pregnant?”  This can be offensive to either someone who did take fertility drugs or someone who didn’t.  I would really rather someone come out and just ask us if we did IVF or another fertility procedure than beat around the bush.

We did do IVF and that is how we have our beautiful babies, but I have found that I don’t always want to share this and shouldn’t always share this with others, so I have come up with some standard responses.  First of all, twins do run in my husband’s family so, for someone who doesn’t understand genetics and the fact that a woman’s eggs and chances of having twins have nothing to do with her husband’s side of the family I can simply answer that yes, twins run in my husband’s family.  Often I just say “No they don’t.  We are just twice blessed.”  When I was in the hospital on bed rest and constantly got asked about our twins, I would just say that we had a little help getting pregnant.  In the hospital, most nurses asked if they were “spontaneous twins” which, although it sounds a bit odd, I can understand is simply medical terminology.   I did however take a little offense when one nurse kept referring to them by asking if they were “natural twins or”…kind leaving a pause after that question which led me to believe she was calling them unnatural if we had used IVF or another treatment.  I would always answer her that they were very natural, but we had done fertility treatments.  She never got the point.

Along with the questions about twins running in the family, I often get the stories from other people of how they know somebody who did fertility treatments and now have twins, triplets or quads.  This is from people who don’t know we’ve done treatments.  I think that they are just fishing to see if we did any type of fertility stuff.  I don’t tell these individuals that we did IVF.  I just listen to the stories and say how wonderful it is that these people are now parents.

Every now and then someone is bold enough to come right out and ask if we did anything to get pregnant.  I have always been open about the fertility process and 9 times out of 10 I will say yes without going into any detail because that is really none of their business.  I’m not ashamed that we did IVF and I’m not going to lie either.

Of all the multiples questions we have gotten, the most bizarre and reoccurring question is whether or not our twins are identical.  This is AFTER we tell them we have a boy and a girl.  The first time I got that question was from a friend.  I thought it was her own pregnancy hormones causing her to not think before asking.  Most of the time I just smile politely and say “no”, but every now and then I have pointed out obvious genetic differences between the two when I think it is appropriate.  Two years later I still get that question even though my son has straight, blond hair and blue eyes and my daughter has brown curly hair and hazel eyes.  Go figure!

I would also often get asked questions about the logistics of breastfeeding my twins.  I even had someone ask how I could breastfeed two when I am so small chested.  I kid you not.  I recovered quickly from that one and just gave the standard size has nothing to do with milk production answer.  I often wonder if that stranger ever thought about that question with embarrassment.

These are just a few of the most asked questions about my twins that I have gotten so far.  I’m sure that there are more to come.  Think about these questions and come up with your own standard, witty or educational answers.  The more prepared you are for the questions/comments that might come your way, the more satisfied you will be with the way you answer and respond to them.

This entry was posted on Monday, March 27th, 2006 at 4:15 am and is filed under Multiples. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.