Before our twins arrived, my husband and I had dated for 2 years and had been married for 5 ½ years.  We had more than 7 years together where it was just the two of us.  For seven years we only had to basically worry about each other.  We would go on day trips, fix each other special dinners, go out to lunch in the middle of the work day and basically did whatever we wanted to do whenever we wanted to do.

We were so excited to finally have the opportunity to be parents after almost four years of fertility problems.  We planned for their arrival and enjoyed spending as much time together as we could.  We knew that things would change when the babies arrived, but I don’t think either of us knew how much it would change.

For the first three months or so, we were just trying to stay above water.  After a 4-5 week stint in the NICU, we were around the clock baby caregivers.  At the end of the day, after the babies were taken care of we didn’t have a lot of energy left over to put into our relationship.  That doesn’t mean that we had problems, it just meant we literally didn’t have any energy at times to even have a meaningful conversation other than “I love you” and “goodnight”.

About the time our twins turned three months, we began to feel like we were on more solid ground.  They were on the same schedule, they were able to be amused with toys for short periods of time and we were actually able to chat about what happened during the day, what we wanted to cook for dinner or to discuss a TV show or magazine article that we had read.

Our leisurely Sunday mornings spent reading the newspaper and lounging in PJs before church sort of returned too.  We were able to read the newspaper or take turns reading to each other as the other one changed diapers or played with babies.

We are avid boaters, but the boat stayed in storage that first summer.  One thing that we found enjoyable was to pack the kids in the car, pack a lunch and drive to the lake.  The kids would snooze in the back of the car and we would picnic in the front seat.  It was fun and was a much needed break for all of us to get out of the house for a bit.

After the kids went to sleep at night, we would sit on the side porch and have a date with cheese and wine (well fake wine since I was breast feeding).  Just taking the time to stop whatever we were doing for 15 minutes to give each other our undivided attention was important and helped us to reconnect.

Now that the kids are over two, we have gone on a few real dates and we relax together in the afternoon on the weekends when the kids nap.  We’ll read the paper, sit on the side porch and talk or enjoy an afternoon cookie snack.  We have learned to better balance our attention to the children, ourselves and each other so that we feel like our relationship is stronger than ever.

When you first bring your children home, it may seem like it will be forever before you will have the energy to devote time to your relationship again.  That time will come.  In the meantime, look for ways that you can make time to spend some time with your spouse each day even if it is just for 20 minutes over baby bottles and dirty diapers while holding two, three or four sleeping babies.

This entry was posted on Friday, May 19th, 2006 at 2:52 am and is filed under Multiples. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.