If you are already the parent of a child and are pregnant with multiples, you have a big task ahead of you to keep your child from getting lost in the shuffle.  Everyone always oohs and ahhs over twins, triplets, etc. and often their older sibling is left on the side lines.  You need to take extra steps to ensure that they do not feel left out of anything, especially your family circle.

Whether you are getting ready to welcome your multiples or they are already here and you are just looking for a way to help your other child to adjust, just recognizing that this is going to be a hug adjustment is the first step.  Going from an only child to a new brother or sister is hard enough, but if you have an only child and all of the sudden they are going to have to share the spotlight with not one, but two, three, four or more brothers and sisters, this is a huge adjustment.

Start by making them a part of the pregnancy from the beginning.  Have them help pick out clothes, baby toys and other baby things.  They need to feel like they are an important part of the process, that the toys or clothes they picked out for their new siblings are special.  Buy matching bibs that say “I Love My Big Brother” for the babies to wear.  Perhaps they can even help with name choices as well.  Whatever you choose to have them help you with, it is important that they are a part of everything and they have some control over the situation instead of feeling like they are just sitting back and watching everything happen with no input.

At the same time, don’t focus on the fact that they are going to be a “big brother” or “big sister” all the time.  They need to have “Mommy and Daddy and Me” time.  Time where nothing baby is discussed.  Whether you read together, go for a stroll down the road or watch their favorite TV show together for the 500th time, they need to feel like they are just as important as the babies that are coming.  As parents of multiples, it is easy to get caught up in all the preparations, but sometimes you have to set things aside and focus your sole attention on your little one that is already here.

During your pregnancy it might be a good time to introduce them to a Mother’s Day Out program or Day Care one or two days/week.  They will love being with other kids, learning new things, playing games and getting all that exercise.  It is good to start this during your pregnancy for two reasons.  First of all, you will need to have more rest and they still need the same amount of exercise so this will help meet both of your needs.  Second of all, you don’t want to wait until after the babies are here to start a program otherwise it might seem to your child like you are shipping them off or that they have to go to this program because the babies need all your attention and you don’t want to be with them.  I know you would never mean this by doing a Mother’s Day Out, but little kids can be sensitive and that might be what they take from it.

Make sure that, even after the babies get here, even if you are totally exhausted, that you take time to read together, go for a stroll down the road or watch their favorite TV show together for the 501st time.  They need to feel some normalcy amongst the chaos that multiples can bring.  They need and crave that one-on-one time.  You might be reading that book with two or three babies sleeping on one side of you and your toddler on the other, but they need that contact, that comfort and that feeling that you still care and love them and spending time with them is still important to you.

Arrange play dates for your child.  Most parents will understand that, for a short period of time, you will not be able to host the date but that you still want your child to get to spend time with your friends.  You don’t want this to become like a babysitting option for you or you will wear out the option of play dates pretty quickly.  But, at least 2 times/month, it would be good for your child to go play at a friend’s house, just like they used to be able to do.

Knowing that your child’s life will forever be changed with the birth of your multiples, you need to attempt to keep some sort of normalcy for them.  This might be as simple as still having pizza every Friday night or ice cream on Sunday afternoons.  They might just need you to read their favorite bedtime story or give them butterfly kisses.  As parents, we can sense some of what they need, but it is ok to ask them what they want as well.  They will tune into the fact that you are asking because you care.

So, as you prepare to add your little bundles of joy to your family nest or, if they are already here, as you try to get things back together at home, don’t forget the needs of your other child or children.  They need to know that they are still loved and cared for and that there is plenty of room in your life for them and your babies.  Everyone wants to feel that they are special, so be sure you do your part you help them feel that way.

This entry was posted on Thursday, March 16th, 2006 at 5:13 am and is filed under Multiples. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.